The evil of Stephen Harper

Stephen Stich (Canada, AC 06-08)

“While the eyes of the world have been fixated on the election in the United States of America, many more pensive, ponderous, passive eyes have been focused on an election of higher global relevance – certainly an election to which the students of Atlantic College no doubt paid close attention. Some of the older folk in the college (namely second-years) might remember me as a soft-spoken Canadian, always hesitant to voice an opinion, wary of argument, and completely uninterested in politics. It is in this last opportunity that I attempt to redeem myself by telling you all what you probably already know: that is, of the evil that is Stephen Harper.

Stephen Harper was re-elected Prime Minister of Canada on October 14th, 2008. Since January 23, 2006, the date of the election of his first government, a dark cloud has been looming over this once-peaceful country. There is strong evidence to suggest that it comes from Harper’s body himself, as if he oozes toxic fumes. Some environmentalists believe that this cloud is due to Harper’s continual refusal to implement adequate environmental policies, but this view is not widely held. In any case, when the election was called, this cloud started to disperse and the message of hope could be heard in the whisperings of the trees in distant lands. However, this hope was soon quashed, as Harper and his wave of destruction forged ahead, the election machine spreading like wildfire, as his party (the Conservatives) gained 19 seats, almost winning them a majority government. Liberal Party leader and leader of the opposition, Stéphane Dion, promptly resigned as leader of the once great party, claiming that Harper had, had him infected with radioactive Polonium 210 as he was eating Sushi. Harper’s clever response was that French Canadians do not eat Japanese food, and so Dion must have been lying. This duplicity and manipulation on Harper’s part is precisely what earned him his election, as his platform of baby-eating had a large appeal amongst hard line Alberta conservatives.

Some Canadians – those whom Harper has not rounded up for “re-education” – wonder when the end of this tyranny will come to be. Will it be after the next election, when a more apt Liberal leader takes the reigns? Will it be once the price of oil collapses and Harper loses his Albertan support as a result? It could be tomorrow, it could be never. But you, students of Atlantic College, you are the ones with the power. You have the ability to take this man down once and for all. Coming from a diversity of backgrounds, you can combine to form one superpower: take the involvement of the Swiss, the nuclear weapons of the Iraqis and the resilience of the French, and you have all that you need to annihilate this Armageddon. The future of our peaceful country, and indeed the entire world, is in your hands. Make us proud, save our souls, rescue us from eternal torment. We implore you.”

– United World College Student Magazine –


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